


Reverie

by Hermioneshandbag (Obscurilicious)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Mild Language, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 09:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15704025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obscurilicious/pseuds/Hermioneshandbag
Summary: Sirius Black is your dream man. Literally.





	1. Chapter 1

“So for next class, you need to read the Spiderman comic and write twelve inches comparing the Muggle concept of superhero powers to magic. Have a good weekend!”

Your students left in a combination of grumbles and returned well wishes for your weekend. Some of the kids just didn’t appreciate good literature.

As you packed your bag, Professor Lupin popped his head in and said, “Big plans for the weekend, Professor Y/L/N?”

“You bet! I am going to umm yeah I have no plans,” you laughed. “I’ll pop in tomorrow for the Quidditch match.”

“How about after the match I walk you back to Hogsmeade and we grab a bite at The Three Broomsticks?”

“That would be great! Save me a seat?”

“I always do, don’t I?” he said with a smile. “See you in the morning, then.”

“Thanks!”

* * *

Remus Lupin was one of the few teachers at Hogwarts that was friendly to you, perhaps because he too was new. You were merely visiting, taking over for the regular Muggle Studies professor who was on sabbatical. The other teachers weren’t necessarily rude, they simply didn’t see any reason to gain attachment to someone who amounted to a temp.

Professor Lupin felt your pain. As the annual Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, he was assumed to be in the same boat out of Hogwarts at the end of the school year as you. It also didn’t help Remus that he was a werewolf and that some of the staff objected strenuously to his being hired. When compared to that, being American and young didn’t really seem all that exotic.

It was nice to have a friend to hang out with, but you still spent most of your off time in your cottage at the edge of Hogsmeade. You walked home from school every day. You could have stayed at the castle, but you lived close already, which actually had factored heavily into Headmaster Dumbledore offering you the position. You were handy. You were also a No Maj Born from America and Dumbledore thought you would make for an interesting replacement, giving the students an unusual perspective from their usual Muggle Studies professor.

And you were enjoying teaching. In fact, you had always wanted to be a teacher when you were a little girl. You sighed. Rappaport’s Law may have been overturned but America was so segregated that No Maj born witches like you were still encouraged to cut ties with family and friends. It was hard to think about life before your letter from Ilvermorny. Your parents had looked at you differently after that.

You shook off thoughts of home. You had come to Europe for further studies and had found that there was a whole different feel to the racism here. Here, you were a Mudblood. Pure-blood fanatics wanted to eradicate witches and wizards like you, and things were not improving with time. You could defend yourself from the prejudice, but you worried about your No Maj Born – no, wait, Muggleborn students. Hermione Granger was absolutely brilliant, an utter joy to teach. Harry Potter, while not Muggleborn, was raised in a Muggle house with no knowledge of magic. He was not quite the avid student his friend Hermione was, and she was fairly certain Ronald Weasley only took her class because his friends did, but occasionally he even seemed to enjoy himself.

You had students who took the class for an easy O; they were fine too, even if they didn’t participate much. The ones that actually creeped you out a bit were the ones that almost acted like they were taking notes – not for grades, but for future reference, as if to find any weakness. They usually were wearing green and silver, and they never wished you a good weekend.

* * *

As you strolled down the main street in Hogsmeade, reflecting on all of the many differences between American and European wizarding societies, something caught your attention from the corner of your eye. You followed the movement with your eyes and saw standing in the shadows a positively enormous black dog.

You had grown up around dogs. Your family members were notorious for bringing home strays and your home had welcomed everything from the tiniest, yappiest Chihuahua to the largest, dopiest Great Dane. Yet, this dog’s breed was a mystery to you. It appeared to be some mix of a Wolfhound and perhaps a Bull Moose? It was intimidatingly large and despite your usual ease around animals, this dog was gigantic yet starved looking, and hungry animals could be dangerous animals. Even a nip from this dog could do some major damage.

Yet your heart went out to the poor thing; it was obviously hungry and malnourished. Its coat was filthy and matted, paws and nails caked with mud. You made up your mind to try and help the poor creature – you just hoped it wasn’t the last decision you ever made. Generally speaking, you preferred the company of dogs to humans. They didn’t have ulterior motives; feed them and they loved you. Scratch their bellies and you were a god.

“Hello, puppy,” you said softly, holding out your hand with fingers wrapped under and not meeting the dog’s eyes. You definitely were not looking to challenge the dog.

The dog eyed you suspiciously, obviously not having known kindness for quite some time. It came forward slowly, oh so slowly, and sniffed your hand, then bumped it with its nose.

You smiled at that, tentatively patting the great hound on its head, then scratching behind the ears. The dog closed its eyes as if this treatment was unfamiliar but extremely nice. You melted and decided you were saving this dog if it killed you.

* * *

Sirius was tired. Dog tired even. He snorted a doggy laugh at his own silent pun. He still had it.

How his life had changed. He didn’t like to think on it much, but his circumstances were currently buggered. Slightly less buggered than when he was in Azkaban, arguably. Still, no home, no friends, no family, no food, no wand…utterly buggered.

He was currently in an alley scrounging for scraps. His mother must be laughing from whatever horrific hell he hoped she was experiencing in the afterlife. Alright, so the tendency to spite did not skip a generation.

“Hello, puppy,” said a soft voice. Sirius looked up from his musings and saw a young woman – a gorgeous young woman. She was holding out her hand to him, obviously intimidated by his size but extending her hand in kindness. No one had shown him kindness since…since before Azkaban.

Sirius moved slowly to your hand, sniffing it then nudging it with his nose. He remembered how to play the adorable stray.

“How would you like a nice pot roast, you big sweet baby?” you cooed.

Sirius perked his head up. He was thinking, Holy fuck, yes! Externally he waggled his whole body.

“Come with me. I’m going to take care of you,” you said, patting your leg.

The dog followed you to a tiny cottage at the edge of Hogsmeade. You opened the door and patted your leg to get (quick glance at the undercarriage) him to follow you in.

He dropped to his haunches on your front stoop. You could see that he was mistrustful, and from his appearance, it was justified. It didn’t appear that humans had been very deserving of his good will.

“OK sweetie, we’ll dine al fresco,” you said gently. “You stay here, OK? Stay. I’ll be right back.”

You hurried inside to retrieve and cast a warming spell on your pot roast leftovers, piling on mashed potatoes and carrots with the meat and liberally covering it with gravy. This dog definitely needed to be fattened up.

You were relieved to see he had stayed on your porch and was drooling from the delicious beefy smells drifting out the door you had left open to encourage him to stay.

You carefully set the platter of food in front of him, not knowing if he was going to be territorial about his food, but he was a regular gentleman, holding up one paw as if to thank you before digging in and gulping down great mouthfuls at once as if he hadn’t tasted anything so delicious in his life. You went and got him a bowl of water to wash it down with and sat on the porch to see what he would do when his tummy was full.

The dog came up to you and gave you a doggy grin, then laid down next to you and tentatively laid his head in your lap. You began to scratch behind his ears again, then stroked his head and down his neck and shoulders as far as you could reach. He really was a giant dog.

You started talking to him as you had a tendency to do with animals. “So, what’s a nice boy like you doing in a place like this?” With this, he rolled onto his back, asking for a belly rub. “Oh, someone is a lover, huh? I give you belly rubs, yes I will.”

Sirius was in heaven. He had always been a touchy person, and the last 12 years had not offered much in the way of physical affection.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come inside, pup? It’s so cold at night,” you said sadly. You were afraid you would never see him again if he left you today.

Slowly, almost lethargically, Sirius got to his feet and licked your cheek, taking you by surprise. Then he walked away, looking over his shoulder a few times. You patted your leg and called him back, but he could neither trust you nor endanger you. He went back to his lonely forest, your kindness and gentle touch his new happy place. Knowing that there was someone like you in the world lifted his spirits, but his focus needed to remain on finding Peter Pettigrew and protecting his beloved godson – even if Harry thought him to be the most evil traitor ever born.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning found you headed back to school, passing through the gates with a shiver as the dementors’ aura washed over you. This was the bad part of living in the village – dementors guarded the gate while the notorious mass murderer Sirius Black was on the loose. Their menacing demeanor creeped you out and made your skin crawl. The Minister of Magic claimed they were on leashes but the threat they emanated told you differently.

What Black had done was horrible, but no one deserved to be surrounded by those creatures for the rest of his life. You decided you’d rather be executed. But then, maybe at that moment life would be precious enough to hold onto under any circumstances.

You made your way to the Quidditch field – no, pitch, Quidditch pitch. Honestly you didn’t understand why that particular word was so important, but it was.

You found Remus who had saved you a seat as promised. You were both bundled up for the match between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Remus had been in Gryffindor and was wearing scarlet and gold, but since you had gone to Ilvermorny you hadn’t declared a favorite for the match, though internally you agreed with Remus and were cheering for Gryffindor and Harry.

After the Gryffindor victory which brought them them the Quidditch Cup, the stands emptied onto the field or to the path back to school, depending on which house the spectator had supported.

As you watched the happy students congratulate the team and each other, you joined them in their celebration for a moment, then you and Remus walked together into Hogsmeade. You enjoyed lunch and conversation with an adult human and then he walked you to your cottage.

Once home, you changed out of your robes and into jeans and a hoodie. You had settled onto the sofa in front of the fire with a favorite book when you heard a scratching noise at the door. You assumed it was only the wind until you heard it again.

Grabbing your wand, you went to peek out the window to investigate and we’re thrilled to see the big black dog.

“Hello, Pup!” you said as you opened the door. “Aren’t you a smart one?”

Sirius wagged his tail for you to show you that he was happy to see you. He knew he was taking a chance seeing you again so soon, but he had seen you at the Quidditch match with Remus and had felt a ridiculous sense of territorialism for you. Utterly pointless considering you were different species as far as you knew. Never say Sirius Black didn’t like a challenge!

“Do you want to come sit by the fire?” you asked softly, patting your leg.

Sirius stood still, indicating he would not come in.

“OK, Puppy. I understand. Let me go raid the fridge, be right back.”

Sirius felt himself cross the threshold when you left the door open again. You had your back turned to him in the small kitchen that opened into the cottage. The main area was one room, with a small wardrobe next to the front door, then to the right the small but cheery kitchen with a table and two chairs, then as his eyes continued around the room, he saw a hallway he assumed led to the bedrooms and lavatory, then there was a fireplace with a sofa and chair in front of it, back of the sofa facing the entryway. To the left of the door was a small bench with your shoes and boots lined up neatly beneath. There were books here and there, some neatly stacked on shelves, some lying around haphazardly as if you were looking for an answer and tossed the tome as soon as you found it.

You turned around and found your new friend with his front feet in the doorway while his hind legs were still outside. Progress.

“I’m afraid today’s menu isn’t as exciting as yesterday’s. I have some chicken, a couple pork chops and some more potatoes and gravy. Hope that’s OK.”

Sirius backed out the door to the porch and you followed with his food and another bowl of water. He took neither for granted. Clean water was almost as scarce in Azkaban as food.

Once again, you put the food and water down and then moved aside so he could eat. When he was done, he came over and laid with his head in your lap again. Then when you asked him if he wanted to come by the fire, he started to leave again, so you said, “Wait, Puppy! I’ll be right back.”

So you went inside and grabbed blankets from the linen closet, put on a jacket and went outside and made a little nest for you and your canine pal. When you were done, he was looking at you with his head tilted sideways and you could swear he was trying to decide if you were sane.

“Hey…no judging me! I just thought you seemed sad so we could keep each other company.”

Sirius was actually trying to understand your motivation. He had rarely met people this kind to other people. Were there actually people who were this kind to strays? He sauntered over to you and turned around before laying down with him head in your lap again, then you covered you both up with a blanket, leaving his head out.

“How would you like a nice juicy steak tomorrow? I’ll go to the market and get you one.”

* * *

This went on for a few weeks, though he didn’t visit every day. You felt him gaining some weight under his coat, thankfully, but he would never come into your house. You grew attached to him even though you knew he wasn’t a dog to be owned.

The weather had turned warmer and the school year was coming to a close. Your visits with the big black dog were frequent if irregular. OWLs and exams approached and you stayed a bit later helping students to prepare for exams in Muggle Studies and a few other topics you felt proficient enough in to be of assistance.

You didn’t even know there had been so much excitement with the notorious Sirius Black and of Peter Pettigrew’s return from the dead until you went to Remus’ office to find him packing.

“Remus,” you said softly from his open doorway.

“Hello, Y/N. Please come in,” he replied with a sad smile.

“Why are you leaving?”

“Because Severus ‘let slip’ in front of students that I’m a werewolf. Owls should be arriving from scandalized parents any time now. I should like to be gone before they must dismiss me.”

“That’s bullshit, Remus! The students love you. They look forward to learning with you. You have a gift,” you said hotly. “Maybe they can bring in another dullard like last year.”

“Thank you, Y/N. Perhaps it’s your American upbringing, but I’m afraid that any talent I have for teaching is far out-shadowed by the fact that I am a monster.”

“You are not a monster! You are a fine man that I am pleased to call my friend,” you said angrily. “Anyone who can’t see that you are more than what you become through no fault of your own a few days of the month is just plain stupid.”

Remus sighed heavily and said, “Would that you were in charge then, my dear. Wizarding society does not agree.”

“Well, I’m right and everyone else is wrong,” you said stubbornly.

“That’s the spirit!” he replied with a small smile.

“I’ll miss you, Remus. But I won’t be teaching here next year anyway. We would have had to make an effort to stay in touch, and I, for one, would still like to make the effort.”

“Then we shall.”

Remus briefly described the occurrences of the previous night before he was visited by a very disappointed Harry Potter. The fact that Pettigrew was alive and Sirius Black was an innocent man was interesting to you, but you had been on another continent and in school when He Who Must No Be Named wreaked havoc on wizarding society. You understood academically but you hadn’t lived it. But knowing that someone had spent twelve years in hell because of the betrayal of a friend, causing pain to your friend and a favorite student brought the horror of the time a little more into perspective for you.

You left Remus to some privacy with Harry.

* * *

You hadn’t seen your dog for weeks. He was gone, Remus was gone, though you had received messages from him, and the kids had returned to their homes for the summer. It was damned lonely.

For lack of anything better to do and desiring to continue to eat and sleep indoors, you returned to your usual profession of writer. You tried to write at least a half dozen cheesy romance novels throughout the year. They paid the bills and were kind of fun to write, but the irony was not lost on you that you made your living writing about something you had never truly experienced.

Sure, you had dated at Ilvermorny, but nothing too serious. Your Puritanical No Maj parents had already spent all of their free time praying for your soul once you had gotten your letter from Ilvermorny; you definitely did not need to get pregnant to boot.

In any case, your editor required four books per year and accepted any extras you were able to complete. Apparently your creativity overcame your inexperience. Aside from one disastrous ‘relationship,’ you had been a hermit since you came to Great Britain after school, so you were accustomed to being alone.

Yet now you found yourself lonely more often than not. You had been prepared for the kids to leave. And yes, Remus was off looking for another job. But where had your pup gone??

* * *

Sirius was lonely. He had Buckbeak of course, but he was not the most scintillating conversationalist. Then again, he suspected that you thought the same of him.

Did you think of him?

Of course, he realized that as far as you knew he was just a dog. And even if you knew that he was a wizard in animagus form, you probably thought that he was a mass-murdering death eater. But that didn’t stop Sirius from thinking about you.

Sirius had been consumed with his grief and desire for vengeance for so long that his smiles at the thought of your kindness, affection and gentle voice touched him deeply in a place that hadn’t known happiness for a dozen years.

He wondered why you lived such a solitary life. In all the times he dined on your porch he had never seen any indication of other visitors. Not that he had been watching you. Well, not in a creepy way. Just to make sure you were safe.

No, he was kidding himself. He watched you because he liked being near you. He wanted your warmth in his life. He wished that he was just a wizard and he could charm you like he had so many girls in the old days. But then, he was a different man now. Azkaban had taken more than years of his life – it had drained any joy of happy memories from him, leaving only the guilt and bitterness of causing the death of James and Lily by trusting Peter. He had nothing left to offer a woman. Any ability to love in him needed to be saved for Harry.

But he still thought of you.


	3. Chapter 3

You had given up on your dog returning. You recalled the Sting song, “If You Love Somebody Set Them Free.” That song sucked. You wanted your dog back.

How had you gotten so attached to a stray that you were never even able to coax into your house? There was something so soulful about him, something almost human in his unusually colored eyes. That was a ridiculous thought, of course. You had a bad habit of anthropomorphising animals. “No, Y/N, he didn’t have emotions and he didn’t love you back. He was a dog.”

Yeah. You also talked to yourself. 

The most ridiculous part of all this was that you had actually dreamt of him. And Sirius Black. But not the crazed killer from the wanted posters, but a thinner, older Black. If they had started doing a duet of “Puttin’ on the Ritz” it would have made as much sense to you. Why on Earth had your brain conjured that combination?

Might be time to see if Remus wanted to meet for dinner. You needed a human other than yourself to talk to.

* * *

Winter was harsh in Scotland. You weren’t much of a fan of snow and questioned your decision to buy a house here every winter. This year you had decided not to visit the U.S. for Christmas, much to the displeasure of your parents.

It did get lonely, but you made a point of visiting Remus and Hogwarts frequently. Hagrid was always glad of your company and Professor Dumbledore enjoyed your “fresh American point of view” on topics both magical and mundane. He also would have you do the occasional substitute for another teacher and you tutored students that were having difficulties in a few of your better topics.

March arrived, and with it some mild weather and weak sunshine. It was by no means warm, but after a cold winter a little sunshine always drew you outdoors. You decided to go around the cottage and rake up any leaves or twigs the winter had blown into your flowerbeds.

And there you saw a giant canine pawprint. It was under your window looking into the sitting area of your cottage. When you sat at your desk and typed on your old manual typewriter, this is the window you gazed out of while you dreamed up fantastic obstacles for your heroine to overcome.

You were no outdoors expert, but the print looked like it had been left recently. Yet you knew of no dogs large enough to create an impression this large except…your pup! Had he returned? Had he come to see you while you were out

Most importantly, would he come back?

* * *

Sirius had returned to Hogsmeade because Harry was in the Triwizard Tournament and he was worried. Too many strange occurrences, not least of which Harry’s name appearing in the Goblet of Fire. As little as Sirius could do to protect Harry as a wanted wizard, he could do even less from far away. Therefore, he was putting his head into the lion’s mouth to be close in case Harry needed him.

It may have also crossed his mind that he would be nearer to you, as well.

Sirius knew he was being reckless. He simply had to see you. Since Dumbledore knew he was an animagus, he couldn’t run quite so freely and play the lovable stray, so he had to resort to peeping in your window like a bloody pervert. It had been worth it, though, to see you on your sofa in front of the fire, wrapped in the cozy blanket you had shared with him on those wonderful afternoons that you had spent together.

He wondered if perhaps you were sensitive enough that you could recognize that Sirius was human. Certain magical folk could sense an animagus, he knew, but he had never come across one. Which was quite lucky as he was unregistered, come to think of it. Yet another glowing quality to woo a woman. He had to be crazy to think that you would ever want an escaped mass murderer. Merlin, he was thought to be the most vicious, ruthless traitor in Voldemort’s pack of minions.

Yet he could not stop thinking of you. You had even invaded his dreams. They were the best part of his day, actually.

* * *

You continued to do the spring cleanup chores that being a homeowner brought you. Soon your flowerbeds were neatly weeded and mulched, your windows were clean, your porch was swept and you had even gotten some white paint and touched up your windowsills. It was a bit soon to put in your garden, but you had begun turning the soil to prep the area.

You spent as much time as possible outside, hoping for the opportunity to see your hound. There was something so comforting about his presence, and though you had vowed at first to save him, perhaps some small part inside you hoped he could save you.

Then the day you were up on your roof replacing some shingles that came off during a Spring blow, from the corner of your eye you caught a shadow in the trees at the edge of your property. Whipping your head around you looked more closely and we’re quite certain you saw the outline of your hound. You let out an ear-piercing whistle and yelled, “Puppy!”

Sirius jerked his head and found you clambering across the roof toward a ladder propped against the side of the cottage. Merlin, were you actually happy to see him? He plopped down onto his haunches in amazement as you trotted over to him, dropped to your knees and hugged him.

“Puppy!! Where have you been? I missed you! Look at you, you’ve lost all the weight we got onto you. Now I have to fatten you up again. Come with me, love, let’s get you fed,” you said, hopping to your feet.

Sirius sat and stared at you, head tilted to the side.

“What’s wrong, Puppy?” you said softly, kneeling back down. “Are you hurt? Did someone hurt you? Let me see, baby.”

Sirius stood and shook his fur, then wagged his tail and woofed to indicate he was ready to follow.

“You had me worried there, buddy. Come on, the sun might be out but the air still has a nip to it. Let’s get you warm and your tummy full.”

You started walking back to your cottage, the hound following. “Don’t run off like that, buddy. I was really worried about you. Where did you go?”

Sirius gave a small woof, feeling like he needed to contribute to the conversation.

“Well, if you’re gonna stick around I feel like I should give you a name. I can’t keep calling you ‘Puppy’ and ‘Buddy.’ Let me think,” you pondered. “You look like a Vader. What do you think of that?” Woof.”“OK, how about Luke?” Sniff. “Ok Mr. Picky. How about Jedi?”

Sirius pondered that and thought it wasn’t too silly.

“I will take your lack of response for acceptance. Jedi it is,” you said as you reached the porch. “Let me go scare up some blankets and chow for you, Jedi.”

Sirius followed you to the porch, and as usual you left the door open so he could look inside. He tentatively followed you into the house and your heart jumped when you noticed.

* * *

Sirius laid in front of the fire, belly full and completely warm for the first time since he couldn’t remember when. You were stroking his fur and leaning against the sofa, content to have the hound for company.

“So, whatta ya think, Jedi? Think you could get used to hanging out with me here?” you asked

I could stay here for the rest of my life, Sirius thought. If only I had no responsibilities to Harry, there wasn’t a war about to happen and you didn’t think I’m a dog. The dog angle does rather put a damper on our relationship.

“Maybe we can give you a bath?” you said casually, just in case ‘bath’ was a naughty word to the hound. Jedi/Sirius simply thumped his tail to let you know that the idea was fine. “Really? I’m gonna accept that tail wagging as agreement to a bath. Oh, and I have an idea for a magical doggy door so you can come and go when I’m not around. So you won’t feel caged in. Somehow I think your freedom is important to you. Am I right?”

Jedi/Sirius thumped his tail and kissed your cheek for that. Excellent.

* * *

Now that you had your hound back, you were much more chipper. You had worked out how to make a doggy door for him and he had picked up how to touch it with his paw to go in and out remarkably quickly. He wandered off for hours at a time but always returned for dinner.

You had bathed him and brushed him and he had put on a bit of weight and was looking much healthier. Generally, the human-dog relationship seemed to be doing the both of you good.

It was strange, though. Your dreams of Jedi had ceased for the most part but you saw Sirius Black frequently in various scenes but always in your cottage. At times he was clear as a bell and at times he was so fuzzy you could barely make him out, as if you were seeing him through a haze of fog.

* * *

Sirius was as close to happy as he had been since before James and Lily had died. He had a home, of sorts. Granted, his roommate thought he was a dog, but he had a roof over his head and regular meals. He could come and go as he pleased, allowing him time to visit Buckbeak and bring him food. His circumstances were vastly improved since Azkaban.

You were working back at Hogwarts occasionally, helping out tutoring and such, so you were gone for hours at a time. Then there were the days you went to visit Remus. He recognized his smell on your clothes. He didn’t like it when you came home from those outings. He wasn’t sure what the nature of your relationship with Remus was, but he was extremely jealous that he could go out in public with you, hug you, maybe even kiss you.

He really hoped Remus didn’t kiss you.

His imagination ran away with him at times. He even dreamed of you.

He wanted you. And he couldn’t have you.

* * *

As you came in the front door, the lighting in your cottage seemed…off. Not darker or lighter, but different. Like a slightly faded photograph from your No Maj childhood.

“Oh thank Merlin you’re home! I have been so bored waiting for you. Did you come straight home from school? I feel like you must have stayed around talking after school. All I have done today is wait for you to get home. What are we having for dinner?”

You were standing just inside the closed door to your cottage when a dark head popped up from your sofa to stand on his knees and ask you questions a mile a minute while practically bouncing up and down. Then he stood up and ran over to you, still bouncing around like a small child.

“I missed you today, did you miss me? I tried to read some of your books, and not to be critical, but do you have anything…better? I did enjoy listening to your music. I wish you’d buy me some snacks, though. Your food is too healthy.”

You held up a hand to try and get him to stop talking.

“Why aren’t you happy to see me? I’m happy to see you. It’s like you weren’t expecting me,” he said a bit more calmly, as if puzzled.

“What are you doing in my house?” you finally worked up the necessary speech skills to ask him.

Sirius’ eyes opened wide and he looked down at himself. Bloody fucking hell. He was human. No wonder you looked surprised. There was a wanted mass murderer in your lounge.

* * *

You sat up with a gasp, looking around to reassure yourself that you were in bed. You jumped out of bed and went out to the lounge, making sure that there wasn’t an escaped prisoner in your home.

“Jedi. Jedi!” you whisper-yelled. Your hound was sound asleep on the sofa, which was unusual. He usually woke up as soon as he heard you moving around. He sluggishly lifted his head and yawned, then jumped to his feet and looked behind him like someone had yanked his tail.

“What’s gotten into you? Fine guard dog you are, if there had been an axe-wielding homicidal maniac we’d both be dead!”

Sirius was a bit shaken. His dreams of you had never been so realistic before – usually it was more of a hazy picture of you interacting with people he had never seen, almost like a Muggle telly with a bad picture. But this – this had been vivid, and interactive. If the light hadn’t been slightly too golden or faded he would have thought he was having a real conversation with you.

Well, not so much a conversation as his internal dialogue going external and you asking what he was doing there. Why had the conversation felt so real? And why had he been so soundly asleep? He couldnt remember allowing himself to slumber so deeply since well before he went to prison.

“I guess there’s no one here. Man, that was a seriously realistic dream, buddy,” you said as you dropped down onto the sofa next to the hound. You began to stroke his fur as he settled his head into your lap. “Why the hell am I dreaming of Sirius Black all the time, Jedi?”

Sirius popped his head up and you looked down at him curiously. “Did you hear something, buddy?” you asked.

Sirius laid his head back down on your lap and relaxed into your touch again, but inside he was screaming. “What the bloody hell is going on? She was dreaming of me while I was dreaming of her?”


	4. Chapter 4

“Hi,” Sirius said tentatively as you appeared in his dream.

“Oh, no,” you moaned. “Why am I dreaming of you again?”

“Well, that’s the thing,” Sirius answered hesitantly. “I don’t think this is a proper dream.”

“A ‘proper’ dream?”

Sirius nodded.

“And what about this dream is improper?” you asked wryly.

“See, I don’t think we’re dreaming. I think this is…real?”

“Are you fucking kidding me with this?” you asked in exasperation.

“No! Look, I don’t understand it but this is real. We have somehow, I dunno, met in our dreams.”

“Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds? Oh my God, I am conversing with a figment of my imagination,” you ranted. “You need to get out of my head now.”

“Well if it’s just a dream, make me go away.”

“Dreams don’t always end when we want them to. And this is rapidly becoming a nightmare!”

“Most women are quite happy to see me when I visit them in their bedrooms.”

“Dude, have you gotten a good look at yourself? I have no idea what’s under that beard and hair, but I promise, you are completely resistible. The ratty robes are totally bitchen, too.”

“Being on the lam doesn’t exactly lend itself to good grooming,” Sirius sniffed. “Besides, my beauty cannot be hidden by the mere need for a shave and a haircut.”

“Two bits.”

“What?”

“Eh, never mind. It’s a Roger Rabbit thing.”

“Perhaps you are knitting with only one needle,” Sirius said speculatively.

“Ha! A couple sandwiches short of a picnic?”

“Barmy,” he said with a smile.

“Bats in the old belfry.”

“A few knuts short of a sickle.”

“Ok, yeah. Totally nuts,” you said. “We have established that I am a loon.”

“Odd rabbit reference aside –”

“It’s a movie,” you interrupted.

“Ah. Yes. You do enjoy film references.”

“Oh, there’s some deep insight into my soul. It’s almost like you’re not a real person at all, just a figment of my imagination.”

Sirius sighed, giving up for the time being, and you closed your eyes and fell into a natural, dreamless sleep.

* * *

You woke up the next morning wondering what the hell was going on in your brain. You definitely needed to stop spending so much time alone. How in Merlin’s dirty drawers did you become so obsessed with Sirius Black?

It might be understandable if he was still front page news, but the Ministry were so embarrassed by their inability to capture him that the story was generally shuffled to the back page if he was mentioned at all.

No, this was all you. You needed to figure out what was happening in your brain. Perhaps a trip to the Hogwarts library was in order.

* * *

Sirius waited until you left. You were dressed in what you referred to as grown-up clothes, which meant you were going to Hogwarts and he had at least a few hours.

He rummaged through your dresser looking for something that he could commandeer. He eventually found some men’s track pants and a concert t-shirt from a band he’d never heard of but had seen in your record collection. He would have to give them a listen.

He resigned himself to going commando and was actually kind of glad he didn’t find any men’s undergarments. Then he headed into the lavatory.

He had found a pair of scissors in the kitchen and he started hacking away at his tangled beard and hair. He cut his elbow length hair to above his shoulders and trimmed his beard and mustache close to his face so he could drag a razor through it.

He had not really been in a hurry to do this. Azkaban had taken so much from him, he really didn’t want to see the man in the mirror that was left after his imprisonment.

He took a long, hot shower, using the least girly smelling shampoo and soap he could find. It felt glorious to be clean and human, but he was afraid to spend too long in the shower not knowing how long you’d be gone.

He finally stood before the sink and began shaving away the beard to see whether he recognized the man staring back.

When he had scraped away the last of the hair and shaving cream, he rinsed and dried his face and then looked in the mirror.

And saw his father staring back at him.

There had always been a strong resemblance, of course. His family had intermarried so much that there weren’t a lot of features to go around. But the man in the mirror could be the abusive prick that had raised him.

Sirius shook that off and studied himself. He was older, of course. He had wrinkles and a bit of gray hair. His eyes held very little light, the mischief was gone. He knew now that life wasn’t a game and he had lost so much.

Yet he had always known he was handsome, and despite his years in prison, he was just an older version of himself. Hopefully he would make a better impression if and when he saw you next.

* * *

Madame Pince wasn’t much help. Turns out dreams weren’t all that well studied. You had had a Native American Divination instructor at Ilvermorny, but the topic had not been deeply discussed.

You decided to write a letter to Professor Whitecrane. It wouldn’t be a quick solution and perhaps you would find information on your own in the meantime, but you had to do something.

* * *

“Well, hello, love!” Sirius greeted you as you entered your dream the next night.

“Hello, definite symbol of my psychotic break,” you said with a sigh.

“Now, Y/N, just because you have romantic rendezvous with an Azkaban escapee every night in your dreams doesn’t mean you’re insane. It simply means you have extraordinary taste in men.”

You took in his cleanly shaven face and trimmed hair and tried to hide the fact that while he definitely had been through some rough times, he was still a gorgeous man. You cleared your throat and said, “Yeah, you clean up nice, I will give you that. I especially enjoy the part where you’re wearing my old sweats and U2 t-shirt. Are you also wearing my underpants?”

“Wanna check?” Sirius responded with a leer, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Thanks, I’ll pass,” you responded dryly. “You’ve still got that crazed shipwreck survivor thing going, and it works for you but I’m not into that particular look.”

“Your loss, love.”

“If you’re real, did you break into my house and steal my clothes? You have to be a figment.”

“It’s…complicated,” he answered.

“Complicated? Not really. If you are really here then you have been in my home and stolen my favorite baggy sweats and concert T. The sweats I snagged from a friend, so I suppose it won’t kill me to let that slide, but the t-shirt now… that’s not acceptable.”

“These are yours? I assumed you had a large male living with you at some time.”

You decided to ignore Dream-Sirius and go lie on your bed and attempt to go to sleep. Or wake up. Whatever made this weirdness go away.

You felt your bed sink at the foot. “Tallllllk to me!” Sirius whined. He started bouncing on the bed when you continued to ignore him. You gritted your teeth and kept your eyes closed. “Y/N!” Sirius started tickling your feet, which made you jump and yell, “Cut it out, Figment!”

“I am not a bloody figment of your imagination! I have no idea how but I am real and we are together. Stop ignoring me!”

You sat up in frustration, pounding your fists on your bed. “You cannot be real! Complete strangers don’t just hang out together in their dreams!”

“How d’you know? Maybe they do but they think they’re insane like you do?”

“Look, if I was a Dreamwalker, I would have shown signs of it while I was still in school.”

“Wait, this is an actual phenomenon you’re aware of and you’re just pretending there’s no chance I’m actually here?”

“You wanna prove you’re real? Show up on my doorstep,” you snapped.

“Are you insane? You know I can’t do that, Y/N!” he growled in frustration.

“Actually, I’m fairly certain that I am insane, yes.”

“I. Am. Here. Ask me anything!”

“Oh, brilliant. And how would I check to see if the answer was correct? Shall I trot up to Hogwarts and ask Headmaster Dumbledore to confirm whether or not I have an escaped prisoner in my dreams?”

Sirius threw himself down on the bed in exasperation. “How can I prove to you that I’m real?”

“You can’t. Because you’re not.”

* * *

Sirius was incredibly frustrated. Knowing that there was a chance that you and he were really meeting in dreams was incredible – and a relief. He had not eliminated the possibility that that Azkaban had left him broken and this gave him hope that perhaps he was not beyond the brink of sanity.

You were driving him crazy, though. Azkaban had taken everything that had made him who he was for almost half his life. He’d had no good memories, no ability to feel joy or love or desire. Despair was all that had been left to him. Even after he escaped, knowing that all of the people in his restored memories were either dead or thought he was a despicable murderer added little joy to the reminiscing.

But you – you gave him kindness and affection and yes, made him feel desire. Again, he did recognize that you only felt kindly toward him when he was in his animagus form, but something was between you. He had never heard of shared dreams, and though he was by no means the most diligent student at Hogwarts, that seemed like the type of thing that would have caught his fancy. This connection was not commonplace.

And he really, really wanted you to acknowledge it.


	5. Chapter 5

“Hello, love.”

“Ugh,” you groaned, flopping your head onto the back of the sofa where you apparently appeared next to him. “Is this gonna be a nightly thing?”

“Seems so.”

“This is not happening.”

“Seems it is.”

“Why?? I don’t even know you!”

“Well, let’s fix that, shall we?”

“No.”

“Love, somehow we’re here and I have to say, I really don’t get that much chance for good conversation. Talk to me. If I’m not real, chalk it up to a vivid dream. Yeah?”

You sighed. Truly, engaging with a dream wouldn’t make you more or less sane, would it?

“Fine. Tell me all about Sirius Black.”

“I want to know about Y/N Y/L/N. Far more interesting.”

“Are you kidding? You are the only person to escape Azkaban. You were imprisoned for 12 years with no trial. You were framed by someone you considered a brother. Your best friend is a werewolf and you’re the Chosen One’s godfather. How can I be anywhere near as interesting?”

“Well, you’re more interesting because I already know all that about me,” he said with a grin. “Seems like you studied me a bit, love.”

“Nah, Remus told me all that while he was packing to leave Hogwarts. Which was bullshit. He was a wonderful teacher,” you said sadly.

“Quite fond of our Remus, eh?” he asked a bit sharply.

“Well yeah. He was the only teacher there that was friendly. Everyone else was politely cool.”

“Spent a lot of time with him, then?”

“I suppose, yeah. He always saved me seats at Quidditch matches and sometimes we’d go out to lunch afterwards.”

“I see. Did you have dessert then?”

You gasped. “Are you asking if we were sleeping together?”

“It’s not the sleeping part of the program I’m interested in, darling.”

“You jackass! You don’t get to ask about my sex life!”

“You can ask about mine,” he said with a smile.

“You just got out of prison, you’ve probably cut a wide swath through the prostitutes in the British Isles.”

“I beg your pardon, darling. Sirius Black does not pay for sex.”

“One way or another, we all pay for sex,” you said bitterly.

“Well, there’s a story I want to hear,” he replied.

“Ah, no. That’s not going to happen.”

“Darling, you need to be more forthcoming.”

“Or what? You’ll go creep around in someone else’s subconscious? I greet the idea warmly and set you free to find a more hospitable brain to bedevil,” you said with a flourished arm gesture.

“You do have a way with words, my sweet. One might almost think you don’t like me.”

You looked over at his handsome face. His clean-shaven jaw from last night had filled in with stubble. His gray eyes were twinkling in the firelight and the smile on his lips was full of mischief. “I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I don’t understand any of this. I have to assume that you’re not real, because if you are, this is beyond weird.”

“If I am, though,” he said, picking up your hand and gently kissing the back, “there must be a very good reason why we are here together. Like perhaps we’re fated.”

You looked into his eyes for a moment, almost hypnotized by the heat you suddenly felt from Sirius. Then you came to your senses and yanked your hand from his grasp, saying, “Keep your hands to yourself, buddy. I might have to share my sleep time with you, but you get grabby and I will make you sorry.”

“Might like it if I got grabby, love,” he said with a wink.

“OK, love,” you said, “if this is just going to be you trying to get into my dream panties every night then count me out.”

“Yeah yeah, you’re right. Sorry, love. You’re just such a temptation I forgot myself. I will be a gentleman, promise,” he said, hand over his heart.

You looked at him skeptically. “You’ll behave? Apparently I can’t make you go away but I can ignore the hell out of you.”

“No, don’t ignore me. I’ll behave,” he said quickly.

“OK. Talk to me.”

“Tell me the tale of Y/N,” he said with a smile.

* * *

You talked for hours, night after night. Sirius was funny and smart and witty. He was also starved for affection.

“Hello, darling,” Sirius greeted you, linking his arm through yours and scooting next to you. “How was your day?”

“Pretty good. Met Remus for lunch, he’s doing well. Found a job and a small apartment.”

“How delightful,” he said sarcastically. “Did you tell him I said hello?”

“'Oh, and your fugitive best friend who I’ve never met sends his best.’ I did not, no.”

“He bloody well should know you’re taken. Have you at least let him know you’re taken?”

“Ugh. I am not sleeping with Remus.”

“Ugh like you’re sick of me asking or ugh like you never would because you’re not attracted to him because I’m all the man you could ever possibly need?”

“The former.”

“Bugger.”

“It’s none of your business, by the way.”

“Oh I beg to differ. It is,” he said with authority.

“Oh?” you replied. “And why is that?”

“Because I want you for myself and don’t want any other man to touch you,” he answered matter-of-factly.

You laughed. “Are you kidding? We have never even been in the same room.”

“Darling, what we have is far more intimate than just location.”

“Oh, what do we have?”

“A connection that transcends mere geography.”

“Or really vivid dreams.”

“It bloody well isn’t my dream. You’d be a lot more cooperative and a lot less clothed if I was running the show,” he huffed, then proceeded to cross his arms and pout, staring into the flames.

“Sirius?” you said quietly.

“What?” he answered somewhat peevishly.

“If it makes you feel any better…I kinda wish this was real.”

“Does that mean that when I prove to you it is you’ll want me?” he asked hopefully.

“It means I would give it a chance if you were real, yeah.”

Sirius tentatively put his arm around you and pulled you closer. “Then I have a chance with a beautiful, kind and intelligent woman. What more could I ask?”

* * *

You received an owl with response from Ilvermorny that professor Whitecrane was off communing with his ancestors and would be gone for an undetermined amount of time, but that your letter was waiting for him on his return.

This combined with your lack of success in finding any information in the Hogwarts library was extremely frustrating. You found yourself wanting Sirius to be real, yet you could find no trace of anything like this having happened in the past.

You were extremely torn. Part of you wanted so badly for Sirius to be real, and the other part was so certain that he could not possibly be meeting you in dreams.

And on top of the inner conflict over whether he even existed as he did in your dreams was the fear of ever allowing a man into your heart again.

* * *

“How old are you, Y/N?” Sirius asked another night, grabbing your hand and holding it.

“Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask a lady her age, Sirius?”

“In fact, I do. However, I am beginning to worry that our age gap may appear unseemly to some.”

“To whom?” you asked, laughing. “You’re in my head. There’s no one to be unseemly for.”

“I won’t always be in your head, love. When that time comes, will people think I’m a dirty old man?”

“Dude. I really don’t think that will depend on my age. You are who you are.”

“How old are you?” he asked, rather less patiently than the first time.

“Will it make you change your mind about wanting me?”

“Of course not!”

“Then what difference does it make?”

“I am simply curious.”

“Fine. I’m 25.”

“Merlin. I’m nine years older than you.”

“Yup.”

“You don’t mind?”

“Do you mean because you’re a figment of my imagination or because of the difference in maturity levels that our ages bring?”

“Obviously the latter.”

“Then don’t worry about that. The way I see it, you spent most of your adult life definitely not living your life and learning and maturing. Add to that the natural deficit due to your gender and knock off a few more for your general personality, I come out approximately seven years older than you.”

“I feel like there’s an insult in there.”

“It is possible,” you said with a saucy smile.

“I don’t care,” he said with wink.

* * *

Every night he scooted a little closer to you on the sofa, linked arms with you, held your hand a bit and eventually draped his arm across your shoulders. It was like he was taming a skittish animal in the wild with gentle touches.

He dearly wished he could find out who hurt you so much that the simplest touch made you shrink away from him at times. If he ever did, he might actually commit the crime he had been imprisoned for, albeit a different person.

Nevertheless, Sirius had reached the point where you didn’t flinch when he pulled you close. You made a show of resigning yourself to his cuddling, but he knew that you enjoyed the snuggles as much as he did. 

Awake or asleep, you were becoming Sirius’ world.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This part contains a nightmare which relives a sexual assault. It isn’t terribly graphic but it is unpleasant. If you do not wish to read this part but would like to continue with the story, please feel free to message me and I will give you any pertinent information to move on with the story._

* * *

Sirius opened his eyes in the hazy golden light he had come to think of as his home with you. You weren’t there. He sat back on the sofa and hoped you would be soon.

He heard noises from down the hallway…was that a man’s voice?

“What the fuck?” he muttered, standing and moving down the hallway to your door.

“Um that kinda hurts, Lucius,” he heard you say.

“Shut up, mudblood,” Sirius heard a male voice grunt as the mattress springs began to squeak rhythmically. 

He tried the knob to your door but it was like trying to grasp a puff of smoke. He began to pound on the door forcefully. “Y/N?” he screamed.

“Please, you’re hurting me!” you said, sobbing now.

“I said, shut up,” Lucius growled, then Sirius heard a slap followed by a scream.

He listened in helpless agony as he continued to try and force the door open. Finally the mattress stopped squeaking, then steps were heard.

The door opened to reveal you lying on your side and curled into the fetal position, exposing the small puddle of blood that Malfoy’s harsh use of your body had created. You were so young, Sirius could see now that this had happened years ago. He prayed that this wasn’t a memory but he knew it was.

“Y/N? Darling please wake up,” Sirius said, trying to nudge your shoulder but pushing straight through the vision of your sobbing form.

Malfoy returned from the bathroom, disgusted by your tears. As he finished donning his discarded clothes he said, “I hope I don’t need to tell you that no one will believe you if you speak a word of this?”

“You said you loved me,” you sobbed.

“Tsk. What a stupid little mudblood, thinking a pure blood from one of the best families would ever love a creature such as yourself.”

“You said we’d be married,” you whispered, numbness setting in.

“Well, that would be extremely inconvenient as I am already married and have a son,” he said with gleeful malice.

“What?” you exclaimed with shocked horror.

“Y/N!” Sirius screamed. “Wake up! This is not real!”

“Exactly. You are a little nothing,” he said, gathering the last of his belongings and opening the door. “I’m certain I don’t need to tell you that if a little half-blood bastard should pop up from this, get rid of it.”

Then he slammed the door.

Sirius watched on in horror as you sobbed a while longer, then dragged yourself into the bathroom to bathe in the hottest water you could stand.

The door opened and you stumbled into your apartment with Lucius, kissing passionately.

“I want you so much, love,” he moaned against your mouth.

“I’ve never…” you said with a blush.

“It will be beautiful,” Lucius whispered, kissing your neck and unbuttoning your top.

“No! Malfoy, you fucking piece of shit, don’t touch her,” Sirius screamed, powerless to stop the scene from replaying. “Y/N, please wake up, darling, please!”

Unable to stand another moment, Sirius forced himself awake and ran to your door in his dog form. You were thrashing about in bed and he went over and barked, then licked your face until you woke up. As in the dream, you rolled to your side and sobbed in the fetal position. Sirius jumped in the bed with you and laid against your back, wishing there was something more he could do.

He relaxed and fell asleep as quickly as he could in hopes of seeing you.

* * *

Sirius appeared on the sofa in front of the fireplace. You were already sitting on the rug close to the fire, arms around your legs and shoulders pulled in to create an impervious shell around you.

“Are you all right, love?”

“I’m fine,” you whispered hoarsely.

Sirius moved to sit down next to you on the rug, careful not to brush against you. He was afraid that if he touched you, you might shatter into a million pieces.

“You saw my nightmare, didn’t you?” you whispered.

“Part of it,” Sirius responded honestly. “I’m so sorry, darling. I will kill Malfoy, I swear to you.”

You looked over at him. “Of course you know him,” you said, wiping tears from your cheeks.

“I’ve had the misfortune of knowing him most of my life, yes.”

“I had to see him at school.”

“Merlin,” Sirius whispered.

“At least I didn’t have to teach his little shit spawn,” you said with a small smile.

“A Malfoy in Muggle Studies? Never!” he smiled back.

You sobbed a little, trying not to cry.

Sirius tentatively placed his hand on your back, rubbing a small circle. You turned to him and put your arms around his waist, your head against his chest. His arms draped around you loosely but comfortingly. You scooted closer and tightened your hold on him, hoping you weren’t crossing some line. “I’m sorry, Sirius, I don’t mean to pile all this on you. I never would have wanted you to see me like that,” you said into his chest.

“Darling, the fact that you allow me to touch you after what that slime did to you is the greatest honor of my life.”

You looked up into his eyes and smiled a bit. “Figment of my imagination or not, thank you, Sirius. You’re the only other person that knows. Somehow you knowing makes me feel…lighter. And…well, thank you for not judging me.”

“Oh, love,” he said, pulling you farther into his lap, “I could never judge you because you did nothing wrong. Lucius Malfoy is a manipulative, evil prick.”

You allowed yourself to be comforted for a few minutes, then said, “I must be killing your legs, let’s get off the floor.”

“I am perfectly content here,” he said, tightening his hold on you.

“I’ll still cuddle you.”

“Blimey, let’s go, this floor is killing my arse,” he said with a grin.

You lay down on the couch, shyly snuggling into Sirius’ chest and tangling your legs.

“Do you want to talk about it, Y/N?” he asked hesitantly.

“Want to? No. Willing to answer your questions? Yes,” you said against his chest.

“How did you meet him?”

You sighed. “I came here to continue my studies after I graduated from Ilvermorny. I had an internship at the Ministry and he was there on business. He was kind to me. I was shy and nobody really talked to me. I was on my own and lonely.”

“He picked you because you didn’t have anyone to care for you here. He was always an opportunistic shite.”

“Yeah, well, I fell hook, line and sinker. He courted me, bought me little gifts, and eventually…well, you saw.”

“I’m sorry my darling,” he said, stroking your hair. “I would take this away if I could.”

You pushed up to look at him. “Good God, this was one night of my life, Sirius!. Also,” you added shyly, “I felt you there. I don’t know how, but knowing you were there made me realize I would survive it. That there would be something better someday.

“What you’ve been through, though…I couldn’t have survived it. You’re an extraordinary man, Sirius Black.”

Sirius wanted so badly to kiss you, but he knew that right after you trusted him with such a traumatic assault was not the time. He pressed you back to his chest. “It’s not a competition. Though if it was I’d win because I’m that amazing.”

You laughed, which made Sirius smile.

* * *

Sirius didn’t let you see it, of course, but he was livid. He hadn’t ever been a violent man, but he was always quick to anger. His impulsive nature had been known to lead to reckless behavior. When he was in school, Remus and James had been able to reign him in most times, though he had still managed to pull some incredibly stupid stunts.

Now he wanted to kill Lucius Malfoy. He could remember being this angry only once before – the night James and Lily had been murdered.

The thought that someone could do such calculated harm to such a wonderful woman turned his stomach. And the fact that you came out the other side with so much kindness intact left him awestruck.

He didn’t know if he believed in a higher power, but even after all he had been through in his troubled life, because of you he felt thankful.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _This chapter deals with the traumas of Sirius’ life, and some of it briefly depicts abuse. If you don’t wish to read this, please feel free to message me and I will give you pertinent information to continue with the next part._

* * *

“Why do you live here all alone, Y/N?”

“I can afford to and I don’t like roommates.”

“You never really talk to anyone unless you work at Hogwarts.”

“How would you know?” you asked petulantly.

“Ah,” Sirius tried to cover for his slip up.

“Uh oh, my brain betrayed itself. Hope I don’t melt down and wind up in St. Mungo’s talking to a potted plant for the rest of my life.”

“Your brain did not betray itself, love. I made an assumption based on the fact that nobody lives here with you, obviously, and you never talk about anyone. Except Remus. Who you should tell you’re in a relationship.”

“'Remus, have I mentioned my imaginary friend? We’re in an imaginary relationship. Would you like to come to our imaginary wedding? I’ll bake an imaginary cake.’”

“I haven’t imaginary proposed yet, might want to hold off on that part,” he said sarcastically.

“But what about our imaginary babies? Do you want them to be imaginary bastards?”

“I’m considering becoming an imaginary wife beater.”

“Gotta imaginary marry me first, Bub.”

Sirius decided to answer that by tickling you and was delighted to find out that you were one giant tickle spot. You decided to fight fire with fire and found him to be ticklish along his ribs. His solution to that was to roll on top of you and hold your wrists. You both stopped laughing and looked into each other’s eyes, then Sirius moved off of you and said, “Sorry,” in a rather hoarse voice.

“It’s OK. Just being silly,” you said quietly.

“I want you,” Sirius blurted out. “I want to make love to you “

“Oh,” you responded. You weren’t entirely surprised but neither were you prepared for the blatant need in his voice. “Um, thank you?”

Sirius barked a laugh. You realized that he didn’t laugh very much, and this was not a joyful laugh but more ironic. “Yeah, you’re welcome, love.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, Sirius. I just…”

“I know. I’m not bloody real, right?”

“For all I know you could be asleep in another woman’s bed right now, Sirius. Pardon me if my past experience with romance left me a little doubtful of my ability to judge a man’s sincerity,” you said a bit harshly.

Sirius took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. “I’m sorry, Y/N. It is completely understandable that you’re not quick to trust.”

“And let’s just address that. If you trusted me, we wouldn’t have to meet in dreams. So, either you’re a figment of my imagination or you don’t trust me. Either way, you’re not getting in my pants.” With that you got up and went to your bedroom and slammed the door.

He knew better than to follow you. Besides, he had no defense to your accusations – at least none that you would believe.

* * *

Things were tense for a few nights. You still spent the night together, but the conversation wasn’t as playful or easy as before.

Sirius tried to draw you out again with several different topics. “I’ve never been to America, tell me about it,” he said one night.

“I haven’t seen that much of it myself. Every part of it that I have seen is completely unique. The most amazing thing I’ve seen is the Grand Canyon. It’s not really something you can fathom until you actually see it for yourself. You’d like it. It felt so free. Like nothing I ever fuck up could touch it, so I should try things. Know what I mean?”

“I wish I did. My entire life seems to be a string of things I shouldn’t have done. My fuckups have been well recorded and duly punished.”

You reached for his hand. “I’m sorry you’ve lost so much. I wish I could give back to you all the years they took from you.”

Sirius was at a loss for a moment. You had rarely voluntarily touched him before, he had usually initiated contact. “Love, that is one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me. You give me such hope and peace. Thank you,” he said quietly, kissing the palm of your hand.

“Sirius…what happened? Why did they put you in prison?”

Sirius looked into your eyes and saw only curiosity, no condemnation. He didn’t want that to change. Taking a deep breath and looking down he said, “I was supposed to be the secret keeper for James and Lily. We told Dumbledore and Remus that I would be. Then at the last moment, I got the brilliant idea to make Peter the secret keeper. He was weak, a follower. I thought that no one would suspect him, that they would come after me and they would all be safe.”

“Oh…oh, Sirius. You brave idiot,” you said quietly, tears in your eyes.

“The idiot part is right, anyway. Peter had been spying on the Order for Voldemort. He sold James and Lily out.” Sirius started sobbing at this point. “I found them, Y/N. I got there too late and I found them. Only Harry survived, and they took him away from me.”

You pulled him into your arms and he cried on your shoulder, and you tried your best to comfort him. “Shhhh Sirius, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t!” You kissed his hair and rubbed his back, holding him until the storm passed.

After quite a while, he calmed and sat back. He seemed embarrassed. “Well done, Sirius. Cry all over the girl you’re trying to woo,” he said with disgust.

You placed your hands on his cheeks and looked him in the eye. “Hey! Last I checked you’re human, and you have emotions and you’re allowed to feel. I’m not sure I could be with a man who didn’t cry telling that story.”

Sirius slid his mouth over to your hand and kissed the palm. “You never cease to amaze me with your kindness and generosity.”

“Oh sweetie, it never ceases to amaze me how little I have to do to make you happy. All I did was treat you like any friend would.”

“I can be patient. Eventually you’ll fall for my wit and good looks and I’ll be more than a friend,” he said with a wink.

You pulled him into a hug, surprising him again. “If you were real, I think you’d be a danger to my heart, Sirius.”

“Bloody – I am real!”

* * *

You awoke on the sofa as usual, but there was no comforting warmth from the fireplace as there usually was. In fact, the room seemed especially dark and chilly tonight. You looked around for Sirius and saw him on the floor by the front door, a look of sheer terror on his face. Then you looked up to see what had him frozen in fear and saw a dementor descending upon him. As the dementor reached him and began it’s gruesome ‘kiss,’ you dove over to push it away from Sirius, or to drag him away from it. You slid through them and bounced rather painfully off the wall.

“Sirius! Wake up!” you yelled, horrified to see the visions of Sirius’ worst memories appear as the dementor sucked his very soul from him.

_There was his mother, delivering a magical whipping for finding him playing with a filthy mudblood when he was five._

_There was his father, using stinging hexes in rapid succession when he had been too rowdy at a pure-blood function when he was eight._

“Please, Sirius, please wake up!” you said, sobbing at the horrors he endured at the wands of his own parents.

_There he was at eleven, receiving his first howler from his mother in the Great Hall, publicly humiliating him for being a failure as a son for being sorted into Gryffindor._

_There he was at sixteen, his mother and father both using the Cruciatus curse on him in turns for defying them and being a blood traitor and for refusing to follow the Dark Lord._

“Sirius, love, wake up. No more,” you sobbed.

_There he was at twenty-one, finding the bodies of his best friends, his family._

_There he was handing Harry over to Hagrid when he said Dumbledore was taking him, even though James and Lily wanted Sirius to care for him if anything happened to them._

“Wake up!” you shrieked.

_There he is hunting down Peter and having it all blow up in his face, Peter framing him for his crimes._

_There he is being arrested by aurors, laughing hysterically, completely mad with loss._

_There he is being sent to prison with no trial, no chance to tell the truth._

“Please, please wake up,” you moaned.

_There he is in Azkaban, growing older and thinner, hearing the dementors take their toll on the prisoners._

_There he is holding on to the one thought that kept him sane: I am innocent!_

“Yes, Sirius, you are innocent and you are so very strong! Please wake up!”

And just like that, Sirius and the dementor disappeared.

* * *

You went back to the sofa, hoping he would appear. After a while, he appeared on the sofa, but he didn’t spring over to be near you as usual. He looked like he was trying to still his racing heart and regulate his breathing.

You scooted down to him. “Hey,” you said quietly, gently laying your hand on his shoulder.

“I couldn’t wake up. I’m sorry you had to see that,” he said without looking at you. He didn’t want to see the pity or disgust in your eyes.

You scooted down next to him, crawled into his lap and grabbed both of his cheeks and forced him to look at you. “Look at me, Sirius. Baby, you have been to hell and back. Let me help you the way you helped me.”

“I didn’t want you to see that,” he said, his eyes darting away from yours.

“Look at me, Sirius,” you implored him. “Please.”

He met your eyes and he looked away again quickly. “I don’t want your pity.”

“That’s not pity, you dunce. That’s horror. I hate your parents so much I wish I could dig them up and kill them. I hope they are suffering in the afterlife. But, sweetheart, I feel nothing but admiration for the man you managed to become despite your parents. And the man you managed to save from Azkaban. Sirius, you made it through all of that and you’re still an amazing, funny, cheeky man and I really hope you’re out there somewhere for real so someday I can show you how amazing you are.”

Sirius looked into your eyes and saw only the truth. “Thank you, love. I…that means so much to me,” he said, his words feeling inadequate. He pulled you close and you cuddled for hours, words completely unnecessary.


	8. Chapter 8

“So I bet you were quite the ladies man,” you said a few nights later.

“You say that in the past tense like you haven’t fallen madly in love with me,” Sirius said, his arm across your shoulders and making circles on your arm with his fingertips.

You chose to ignore that comment. “Did you leave a string of broken hearts in your wake?”

Sirius hesitated before he answered. “Yes, I suppose I did.”

“What, it hadn’t occurred to you before now?”

“I was an arrogant berk. I know that now. As a teenage boy I let my dick do a lot of my thinking.”

“But not now?”

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s got strong opinions. Really, really strong opinions,” he said in a low, sexy voice as he looked at you with hooded eyes. “It’s just not the only opinion I listen to now.”

“There are no little Sirius Jrs running around, are there?”

“Merlin’s balls, I hope not!”

“Don’t like kids?”

“No, I do.”

“Just don’t want any of your own?”

“I don’t know. Not like I have a lot to offer as a father.”

“Hmmm.”

“What?” Sirius looked at you and could see that his non-answers we’re not pleasing you. “You know my childhood was… unpleasant.”

“Go on,” you said, turning sideways to face him. “All I know is what I saw from your nightmare.”

Sirius sighed and stared into the fire. “My parents wanted me to be a little blood purist psycho. When I was sorted into Gryffindor, I betrayed them. I made friends with blood traitors, half-bloods and muggle-borns. I wasn’t the son they wanted. When I was sixteen I ran away from home and they disowned me.

“My little brother was all that they wanted and more. They were quite proud of him for becoming a death eater.”

“So you think you can’t be a good parent because you didn’t have good parents.”

“Maybe.”

“I always wanted kids,” you changed the subject abruptly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. After…well, I figured I’d maybe adopt a kid or just get pregnant.”

“No!” Sirius said adamantly.

“Why’s that?”

“You deserve more than to get pregnant from a one night stand. I presume that’s what you’re suggesting?”

“You presume correctly.”

“Because you belong with me.”

“But you don’t want to be a father.”

“You don’t believe I’m real anyway.”

“Touche.”

“I am real,” he said quietly.

“Y’know, you have to be Harry’s dad now.”

“I know.”

“You want that.”

“More than anything.”

“You’re not afraid that you can’t do it?”

“Harry isn’t part me.”

“Ohhh. OK, I get it.”

“What exactly do you get, love?”

“You think you’re a bad seed and you’ll pass it on. The Black family gene pool is more of a cesspool?”

Sirius was silent.

“What I think you’re not considering is that you’re the good seed.”

“What?”

“You’re a good man. Well, at least my brain’s version if you is.”

“I. Am. Real.”

“Prove. It.”

“This is becoming quite tedious,” sighed Sirius.

“Agreed.”

“Anyway.”

“Any potential partner of mine better be prepared for fatherhood. Because, to be completely honest, there was never supposed to be a potential partner.”

Sirius looked down and said, “Would you accept an escaped fugitive who is thought to have served a dark lord and betrayed his best friends and murdered another?”

“I mean…is he good looking?” you said, making his head pop up to see your grin.

“Incredibly,” he said arrogantly.

“Well, if he’s that handsome, I suppose I’d at least want to kiss him and see if there was a spark,” you whispered.

Sirius pewter eyes shone silver in the firelight. He leaned forward slowly, never breaking eye contact until he gently brushed his lips across yours. You opened your eyes and said, “Take off the kid gloves, Black.”

Sirius smiled and kissed you with the heat and passion and absolute adoration he felt for you, and you closed your eyes and welcomed the intimacy with Sirius.

“Any sparks?” Sirius asked against your lips.

You smiled, “Yeah, I think this has potential.”

* * *

You weren’t sure when or how it happened, but you…had feelings for Sirius. You cared for a man that at best was a wanted fugitive with whom you met nightly in your dreams. At worst, you were falling in love with a man that your subconscious had invented.

Either way, you were screwed.

“You’re quiet tonight, love,” Sirius murmured against your ear.

You were lying on the sofa, your back cuddled to Sirius’ chest. His one arm was draped across your waist and the other was your pillow. His heart was beating steadily against your back, his breath warm on your neck. You were entirely too comfortable.

“Sorry,” you responded quietly after a moment.

“Anything wrong?” he asked, pulling you closer.

“Other than you squeezing me like a tube of toothpaste? No,” you answered, trying to avoid the topic with a joke.

“I’m not entirely sure I believe you, love.”

You pulled out of his arms, sat up and said, “OK, I’m scared.”

“Of what?” he asked, sitting up next to you. ”Now you’ve got me worried.”

“You. Us. My brain.”

“I thought you had accepted that I’m real?” he replied, standing up and beginning to pace.

“I’ve accepted that I want you to be real,” you whispered after a moment.

Sirius stopped his pacing and said, “Meaning?”

You avoided the direct gaze of his piercing grey eyes. “Meaning that I think until you can be here with me if you’re real it’s not a good idea for me to get attached to you.”

“Get attached? I rather thought you already were attached?”

“Are you?”

“Am I attached to you? Bloody hell, yes. I am very attached to you, Y/N. I thought you knew that.”

“I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know if this is real, I don’t know if you care for me if it is, I don’t know where you are. What I do know is that when I wake up in the morning, I will be alone. And that’s fine, I intended it to stay that way. But now…”

“Now, what?” Sirius prodded.

“Now you are making me want to wake up with you. And I can’t want that, because I can’t have that.”

Sirius knelt before you, took your hand and said softly, “It won’t always be like this, Y/N.”

“OK, let’s say this is real,” you began.

“It is real,” Sirius muttered.

“If this is real, why won’t you come to me? Actually be with me. I just…I want to know you. I want to be awake and have someone, I dunno,” you waved your free hand around, “help me move my sofa if I want to rearrange furniture. I want kids, which last I heard you need to have some physical contact to accomplish.”

“Are you saying you want to have my babies? Because if so, we should really practice…” he replied with a wicked grin.

“Fine. Make jokes. Mock me for wanting you to be real. Perfect.”

“Y/N, do you think I like this arrangement? I want to be with you in daylight as much as you want it. Until I am no longer a fugitive, I can’t put you at risk. I can’t let you get hurt because of me, can’t you understand that?” he said heatedly.

“I should get a say in it, Sirius.”

“I lost everyone I loved and wound up in prison. If they weren’t dead they thought I was a murderer. Why can’t you understand that I need to protect you? I won’t put you in danger like that,” he said, finality in his tone.

You pulled your hand from his grasp. “That’s what my mind would make up to protect me from myself.”

“Do you really believe that?” Sirius asked, hurt.

“That my mind would build a beautiful fantasy to comfort me from reality? Yes. The human mind does that.”

“That’s not what I’m asking. I’m perfectly aware that the human mind will protect itself. I’m asking if you really believe I’m a figment of your imagination.”

“I don’t want you to be. But yeah,” you said sadly, “yeah, I think I made you up.”

Sirius simply disappeared. As if your mind couldn’t hold the illusion when faced with the certainty that it was, indeed, fiction.

* * *

Sirius woke up in his human form. Bloody hell, he needed to be more careful. He quickly transformed and looked in on you. You were sound asleep. Were you waiting for him to reappear?

He was too frustrated to go back to sleep, even if it meant spending less time with you as a man. He went to his doggy door and went out to run off some frustration.

* * *

You waited up a bit to see if he would reappear but he was either gone for good because your mind couldn’t fool you anymore or he was pissed at you. The fact that the second worried you made you ask yourself some pretty self-analyzing questions.

You sent Remus a message the next morning asking him to help him with an academic conundrum. The next day was Saturday so you were hopeful he would have some free time. And in fact, he had the day free. You were pleased and offered to buy lunch if he would let you pick his brain.

* * *

That night you told Dream Sirius that you were seeing Remus and he pouted nearly the whole time. When you said you were going to go to sleep, Sirius said, “Yeah. Well have fun with Moony. At least he can go out in public with you.”

* * *

“I shouldn’t be too late,” you told Jedi. “Here’s some hamburger mixed with potatoes and carrots and lots of gravy to fatten up my lambkin. I’ll be back later.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Y/N, it’s so nice to see you,” Remus said as he rose from his seat at the pub where you were dining and gave you a brief hug.

“Remus, I’ve missed you.”

“And I, you. What have you been up to?” he asked as he helped you into your chair and then returned to his seat.

“Bit of writing, bit of this and that.”

“What did you want to pick my brain about?” he asked.

“Let’s order first, shall we?”

“Of course,” he answered with a curious smile.

After the server took your orders and brought you tea, Remus asked again.

You sighed. “I hope you won’t think I’m insane, but I’ve been having dreams. For a few months, now.”

“Everyone has dreams, Y/N,” he said gently, sensing how tense this subject was making you.

“Not everyone has dreams about an escaped fugitive she’s never met,” you said quietly.

“What? You mean Sirius?” he whispered.

You nodded, watching him carefully.

“I think we should probably continue this conversation somewhere a bit more private,” he said. “I know it’s not terribly proper, but we can walk over to my apartment after we finish eating. If that’s all right with you, of course?”

“Yes, thank you.”

* * *

You made small talk and caught up while you ate. Remus told you about the family he was tutoring, preparing the children for Hogwarts. They were all showing signs of strong magic so their parents didn’t want them to go to a muggle school. Their oldest child had been a firstie student of his, so they knew he was a werewolf and didn’t care. Even though they couldn’t afford to pay him much, he was pleased to be in a position where he was accepted for who he was.

You continued your comfortable chatter with Remus as you walked the short distance to his flat. As he unlocked the door and welcomed you, he apologized for the mess, which was non-existent. “Would you care for some tea?”

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

He sat down on the other end of the sofa from you, and you both sipped your tea.

“So tell me about these dreams, Y/N.”

“They’re really vivid. It’s almost like how I’m sitting here talking to you.”

“And always Sirius?”

“Yes.”

“Does he always look the same?”

“No. When he first appeared he was wearing old, filthy robes. His hair was a long, tangled mess and his beard was almost as bad. He made a smart comment about how most women would be happy to have them in their bedrooms and I said he looked gross. The next night his beard was gone and his hair was clean and shoulder length. After that, his beard changes every few days, like he shaves every three or four days. And he usually wears my baggy lazy day clothes.”

Remus grew more concerned as your tale continued. That all sounded like genuine Sirius. As Remus pondered your tale, he looked closer at your clothing and a bit of dog hair caught his eye. Leaning forward, he surreptitiously sniffed.

_Oh, Sirius, you didn’t_ , he thought.

You stopped speaking and Remus was silent for a few moments. As always, his loyalty to his friends warred with his need to do the right thing.

This time he thought perhaps he could do both.

“I have a few ideas, based on what you’ve told me. I am going to ask some questions that may seem strange, but stay with me, it will make sense eventually. Alright?”

“Of course, Remus. I trust you,” you said with a smile.

“Did you acquire a pet recently? I noticed some dog hair.”

“Oh, darn. Yes, I did. He’s giant and he sheds and he chewed up the lint brush.”

“What does he look like?”

“He’s about the size of a small horse. Coarse black fur, and the most unusual gray eyes. They almost seem human at times.”

“Indeed. And remind me, what is your patronus? I believe you called it at the Quidditch match?”

“Oh, yeah, when the dementors went after Harry. Yes, it’s a Y/P.”

“Could you cast it now?”

“OK,” you said, a confused look on your face. You retrieved your wand and cast the spell, but rather than the patronus you had been casting for a decade, the shape your magic took was a large hound.

“But…”

“I have read of this, but it’s rare. Y/N, I think you may truly be meeting with Sirius in your dreams.”

“What? But…but…” you stammered.

“This will sound incredible, but…soulmates can commune in dreams when they are unable to be together in reality.”

“That’s ridiculous! I’ve never met him, how could we possibly soulmates?”

“I believe you have met him; many times, in fact. You say your dog has black hair and gray eyes?”

“Yes.”

“May I see one of the dog hairs?”

“Oookay…” you said skeptically.

Remus plucked a dog hair from your jeans and sniffed it. “That’s Padfoot, alright.”

“Padfoot?”

“Oh, sorry. When we were kids we all had nicknames. James was Prongs, Peter was Wormtail, Sirius was Padfoot and I was –”

“Moony,” you said softly. “Right?”

“Yes,” he answered just as softly.

“I am going to murder him,” you said, thinking of all the times he had seen you naked or nearly so, how he allowed you to bathe him, how he slept in your bed. How you had told him all about your dream dates with him. How he had seen your nightmare.

How he obviously didn’t trust you.

“Now, Y/N, think this through. From what you’ve said, you found Sirius before I left Hogwarts, which means everyone still thought he was a murderer. If he had revealed himself to you then you would have turned him in.”

“And in the countless meetings since?”

Remus sighed. “Based on what I know of Sirius, I am guessing he was afraid to lose you. He has never been good with admitting when he was wrong.”

“Well he better get good because he sure as hell is this time.”

“Of course he is! Sirius…is Sirius. How do I even explain him?”

“As a big, dopey man-child?”

“That’s fairly accurate, yes,” Remus said with a smile. “He just…he sees a line and he can’t just dance along it. He has to tango or flamenco across it. If it’s to be done, it should be done boldly, to Sirius’ way of thinking.”

“I am going to go home and beat my dog. No! I am going to go home, change him from his animagus form to human, and then I’m going to beat my…”

“Boyfriend?”

“Soon to be ex dream visitor.”

You sat in silence for a bit. Then you had an idea.

“Remus?”

“Yes?” he said hesitantly.

“Would you like to come over for dinner?”

“I don’t think I like the look on your face, Y/N.”

“I think it’s time Sirius learned some manners. Care to help me?”

“I really really don’t want to, no.”

“Well you’re going to anyway,” you snapped.

“I would love to come over for dinner,” Remus said.

* * *

You made Remus practice kissing you so it wouldn’t look awkward for your performance of Karma is a Bitch and So am I. You even made him lick your neck. You wanted Sirius to smell him all over you.

Then you went shopping and bought ingredients for a romantic dinner and a just-shy-of-slutty dress and downright slutty lingerie.

Then you went home and burst through the door singing, “I’m in love I’m in love I’m in love with a wonderful WOOOOOLF,” to the tune of ‘Maria’ from West Side Story.

“Oh, Jedi,” you gushed. “Mommy is walking on a cloud!”

Sirius was aghast. Did you just refer to yourself as his Mommy? And you’re in love with a wonderful WOLF? You were in love with Remus?

You dropped the groceries in the kitchen and proceeded to dance with the garment bag holding your dress over to Sirius on the sofa. You twirled one last time in front of him and then plopped down next to him. “Oh, Jedi,” you said, pulling him into a hug that placed his snout next to your neck. “How did I miss seeing how handsome and strong and kind Remus is? He’s so sexy. I think I’m falling, Puppy.”

Sirius sniffed all over your neck and clothes and Remus’ scent was everywhere. Was that saliva on your neck? Surely not.

“Wanna see the dress Mommy got? And don’t tell, but Mommy also got some naughty unmentionables,” you said with a giggle.

Sirius was in shock. He had no clue that you were attracted to Remus. In fact, you had told him several times that you were not attracted to Remus.

“No time for cuddles. I need to go get dinner started and then get in the shower so I can shave…just everywhere. Mommy’s going to get you a Daddy! Yes I am!”

Sirius felt like vomiting.

* * *

He watched you cooking and baking and singing and dancing and thought he must have died and gone to hell.

He went into your bedroom while you were in the shower and saw the dress and lingerie you had purchased laid out on your bed. The thought of you wearing something like that for any man but him caused him actual, physical pain.

He went and laid in front of the fire and didn’t move again until he heard your bedroom door open. He trudged down the hall to see how beautiful you had made yourself for another man.

You were gorgeous. The dress was beautiful and fit your curves perfectly. Seductive yet tasteful. You spun around for Jedi and said, “How do I look? Does Mommy look pretty?”

Sirius woofed, still not liking the Mommy thing, but letting you know you look pretty.

You got a naughty look on your face and said, “Hmmmm, maybe I won’t be needing these after all,” as you reached under your knee-length floaty skirt and pulled off your scandalous panties and tossed them on the bed.

There was a knock at the door and you clapped your hands excitedly and went to open the door. Remus was supposed to look surprised to see Sirius, and then he was supposed to behave as if this was all extremely awkward. Which for him it was, so his job should be simple.

As you opened the door, Remus stood holding flowers which he handed to you with his best suave smile. “You look gorgeous, Y/N,” he said honestly.

You blushed prettily and said, “Goodness Remus, I just threw this on.”

He stepped across the threshold and closed the door, then handed you the flowers. “They’re lovely, thank you!” you said, and then threw yourself into his arms and kissed him passionately. Remus actually turned you so you were pressed up against the door.

“Oh, my,” you said, “I should get these in water.”

You absolutely felt like you were kissing a sibling and knew that Remus did as well. This revenge thing wasn’t as much fun as you’d hoped so far.

“Something smells wonderful,” Remus said.

“I hope so. I made a leg of lamb, new potatoes and green beans. And a yummy chocolate torte for our first dessert,” you said with a naughty wink. “Dinner will be a few more minutes, would you like some wine?”

Remus still hadn’t seen Sirius and was getting nervous. “That will be lovely,” he said.

“Have a seat and I’ll bring you some.”

Remus went over to the sofa and found Padfoot, baring his teeth and looking super pissed. “Oh, your dog gave me quite the fright,” Remus called out, trying to sound surprised.

“Oh don’t worry about him. I know he looks big and scary but he’s Mommy’s little lambkin, isn’t he, Jedi?” you said as you came over and sat far too close to Remus, handing him a glass of wine.

The rest of the evening went like this. You flirted and played footsie and Remus looked genuinely uncomfortable in front of Sirius. After you finished the main course, you went in for the kill: “Which dessert do you want first, Remus? The torte…or me?” you said in your most seductive voice.

Remus got a glazed look of lust in his eyes and said, “Definitely you.”

“My bedroom is right this way,” you whispered, beckoning him to follow.

“I’ll be right behind you,” he said in a sexy voice, feeling ridiculous and a little scared.

As soon as you turned the corner, Sirius sprang at Remus, changing from dog to man mid-stride.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Moony,” Sirius said as he slammed Remus into the wall.

“Exactly what I asked him to -- _Jedi_ ,” you sneered.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Smut ahead. Avert your eyes if you shouldn't be reading this._

* * *

Sirius jumped away from Remus, looking like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

You walked away from the wall where you were leaning, went into the kitchen and got a box tied with string. You went over and kissed Remus on the cheek. “Thank you, my friend. I hope you enjoy the torte,” you said with a smile.

“Don’t kill him.”

“I might not,” you said, seeing Sirius flinch from the corner of your eye.

Remus left while you stared Sirius down, not envying him the fight he was about to have.

“Nice shirt,” you said, catching him off guard.

“Uh… it’s yours.”

“Yeah. C’mere.”

You walked down the hallway to your bedroom. There on the bed was a shopping bag that had an extension charm on it. You began pulling clothes from it.

“I bought you some clothes so you don’t have to wear mine.”

“Thanks,” Sirius said quietly.

“And I got you some boots. Remus said you preferred boots. And here are some boxers. And a suitcase.”

A suitcase. There it was. She wanted him gone. He cleared his throat of the lump of tears that had sprung up. “I’ll just change.”

“I’ll be in the lounge.”

You went and sat on the sofa with a glass of wine, preparing for what was sure to be an emotional confrontation.

As you sipped your wine, you heard your bedroom door open. Looking up, you saw Sirius in the jeans, t-shirt and leather jacket you had gotten for him. He had his bag in hand and a sheepish look on his face.

“I’ll pay you back for this,” he said. “Thanks for everything. I’m sorry.”

With that he grabbed some floo powder and said, “Remus Lupin’s flat,” and disappeared from your lounge – and your life.

* * *

“What in Merlin’s saggy y-fronts are you doing here, Sirius?” Remus greeted Sirius as he popped out of his fireplace.

“She threw me out.”

“What? No she didn’t,” Remus scoffed.

“She bought me pity clothes and a suitcase. Do you have anything alcoholic?”

“You’re an idiot,” Remus said.

“Thanks, pile on. My night hasn’t been wretched enough.”

“That woman loves you. She was good and bloody pissed off but she had no intention of throwing you out.”

“Did she say she loved me?” Sirius asked intensely.

“No, but any idiot could see it. Except perhaps you.”

Sirius found a bottle of firewhiskey and held it up for Remus to approve him cracking the seal.

“Go ahead, but you shouldn’t be getting drunk, you should be groveling at the feet of an amazing woman who for some unknown reason adores you.”

Sirius dropped down on the sofa and took a drink from the bottle and said, “The reason is unknown because it doesn’t exist.”

“Did you see her patronus at the Quidditch match?”

“No, what is it?”

“It used to be a Y/P. Now it’s a big, hairy mongrel that looks an awful lot like you.”

Sirius finally look at Remus. “Her patronus changed to match mine?”

“Yes. And the dream-sharing is an extremely rare occurrence. Only happens with soulmates.”

“Fuck.”

“Yup. You left your soulmate. Get out.”

* * *

Sirius jumped up and hurried back into the floo. He stumbled out of yours and looked around for you, then he heard sobbing from your bedroom. He ran down the hall to your bedroom door to see you curled up on the bed crying, dress twisted around your legs and waist.

“Bloody hell, you’re wearing knickers!”

You shrieked and jumped off the bed, pulling your skirt down. Your face was a mess, tears smearing your make-up to make you look like a deranged clown with raccoon eyes.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were gone for good.”

“Remus told me I’m an idiot.”

“He got that right. Any specific reason?”

“Because I left you.”

“Only makes you an idiot if you didn’t want to leave me.”

“I didn’t,” he whispered.

“Then why did you?”

“I thought you bought me a suitcase to tell me to leave.”

“Out of curiosity, what did the boxers indicate you should do?”

Sirius barked a laugh and walked over in front of you.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. For everything. If you want me to grovel, I will.”

“I don’t need you to grovel, Sirius,” you said, closing the distance between the two of you and placing your hand on his cheek. “I just need you.”

Sirius closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. He opened his eyes in shocked surprise when he felt your lips against his. Quickly regaining his composure, he pulled you close and kissed you back.

When you pulled apart, you were both a little dazed. Sirius smiled at you tenderly while rubbing your back.

Then he got a strange look on his face and he said, “Did you wear two pairs of knickers so you could take one off in front of me?”

You nodded. “That was punitive.”

“That was bloody awful. And the ‘Mommy’ business? Truly horrid. I’m in love with an evil genius.”

“Well I wasn’t going to go commando around a dog and a werewolf!” you said, laughing. “Wait…did you just say you were in love with me?”

“Yes, I did,” Sirius said, a little hesitant. He had known that what he felt for you was unlike anything he had ever felt for you for a while now, but saying the words out loud was terrifying.

“The suitcase is so you can keep all of your stuff in one place in case you’re ever in danger. I was going to pack a bag as well so we could leave in a hurry if we had to. It’s not so you’ll go away. It’s so you can stay. Because I love you, too.”

Sirius smiled and picked you up and squeezed you, then kissed you again. If there had been sparks in the dream, this was like a forest fire. Heat engulfed you and you moaned as Sirius teased your lips with his tongue, allowing him to turn the kiss utterly carnal.

He stopped after a while, afraid of overwhelming you. You were clinging to him, holding him close as if you will weren’t sure he was real.

“Wow,” you said with a smile.

“What?” he responded, stroking your hair.

“I just kissed the man of my dreams.”

Sirius threw his head back and laughed, then kissed you again. “I’m going to go out and see if there’s any lamb left because not only was I jealous of Remus kissing the woman I love, but also eating her cooking. Wanna change out of that dress so I can think straight and then we can talk?”

“Yeah,” you said softly. “I didn’t eat much either, so I think I’ll join you.”

“Perfect,” he said with a wink.

“I made you a torte, too!” you called after him.

“If I didn’t already love you that would do it!” he called back.

* * *

You went to wash your face and started laughing hysterically.

“What’s so funny?” Sirius peeked his head in to see what made you laugh so.

You pointed to your make-up-smeared face and said, “You love this?”

Sirius smiled and stepped in far enough to peck your lips. “I love the face, but mostly the heart and mind behind it.”

“Aww,” you said, touched.

“Hurry up,” he said with a slap to your bum. “M’starving!”

You removed your makeup and put on some jeans and a t-shirt. Barefoot, you padded to the kitchen to join Sirius as he made plates for both of you for dinner. You looked around and saw the curtains open and went to each window, pulling the blinds and blocking any view inside.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered.

“Why?” you asked, genuinely confused.

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you. I shouldn’t even be here as a dog, let alone as a man!” he said angrily.

“I have no idea what you mean. Is it because I closed the blinds?”

“Yes,” he said quietly. “You shouldn’t have to hide your…whatever I am…from the world.”

“OK. First, I think ‘man I love’ covers the whatever you are part. Second, I closed the blinds because, yes, I want you to be safe, but also because I hope to be doing something with you soon that I don’t want random passers-by to see,” you said, wiggling your eyebrows at the last part.

“Yeah?” he said in a low, breathy voice that made you want to tackle him and start undressing him.

You walked over to him and slid your arms around his waist, tilted your head back and said, “Yeah.”

“I thought you’d want to wait…I’m willing to wait. I’ll wait forever for you. I have waited my whole life for you.”

“Sirius, you know…you know what happened. And that’s my only experience with…that. So I mean if you want someone experienced…or if it makes you uncomfortable…”

“Shhh love,” he pulled you close and said, “I want you. No one else. I fucking hate knowing what that prick did to you, but the only comfort I’m worried about is yours.”

“I want you, too. And I never thought I would ever say that and it scares me to death, but you wriggled into my heart, you sneaky little devil,” you said with a smile and a hug.

Sirius smiled and squeezed you, and then said, “Let’s eat. It smells delicious.”

“Then I shall feed you chocolate cake.”

Sirius groaned. “That visual is going to kill me.”

“Yeah, I’m actually a little heated up picturing it, too.”

“Oh really?” he asked, dipping down to kiss your neck. “That’s interesting to know.”

“I thought you were starving?”

“I can wait for food,” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers all over your body.

You pressed against him and felt his erection through his jeans, then slid your hands under his t-shirt and lightly ran your nails down his back, eliciting a deep groan from Sirius.

“Food or bed? You decide because my dick is doing my thinking right now.”

“Bed,” you moaned.

Sirius picked you up bridal style and carried you to your bedroom, kissing you passionately the whole time. When he reached the edge of the bed, he turned and laid down with you lying across him. “You’re in control, my love. Every step of the way. If you say stop, we stop. No questions. I am yours, no matter what.”

If you hadn’t known that this man was your world, this would have sealed it for you. “Thank you, Sirius. You mean everything to me,” you said, leaning in and kissing him with all the love you had for him.

You reached for the bottom of his t-shirt and sliding your hands under pushing it up as you caressed Sirius’ stomach and chest.

Sirius leaned up and kissed you and held your hands still for a moment. “I…I’m not the man I used to be…Azkaban took a lot from me.”

“I didn’t fall in love with that boy, I fell in love with this man. I fell in love with a man who has lived though hell and still cares more about others than himself. And I really want his clothes off. I understand that consensual sex can be mildly pleasant. Shall we shoot for mildly pleasant?” you asked as you lightly dragged your fingernails around on his lower abdomen. You continued to push up his shirt to reveal a taut stomach and lean chest. He had a bit of hair on his chest and lower abdomen. You pulled his shirt off and threw it on the floor. Your mouth soon followed your hands and Sirius groaned his appreciation, running his fingers through your hair.

“I think we can manage better than mildly pleasant, love,” Sirius said with a groan.

You decided to straddle his lap and lean forward to kiss him. He eagerly returned your kisses, but was in no hurry to take the lead. He wanted you to feel completely safe every step of the way.

He placed his hands under your top around your waist, stroking a couple inches above your jeans but no higher. Your skin was so soft and your weight on his lap was pressing down on his hard cock and your scent was intoxicating him. He was maintaining his control no matter the temptation, though.

“Sirius?” you said in a low voice.

“Yes, love?” he answered, his voice tense.

“I trust you. Make love to me.”

With a groan, Sirius pulled you down into a kiss, running his hands up under your top to your breasts, pulling a gasp from your lips. With a smile, Sirius pulled your top off and tossed it aside, sliding his hands up to cup your breasts gently. You threw your head back in ecstasy and Sirius capitalized on your position to suck one nipple while his fingers tweaked the other. “Beautiful,” he moaned.

“Oh, don’t act like you haven’t seen them before,” you said with a smile to soften the words.

“I confess, at first I lowered my eyes but after a while I had to look. Still, up close and personal is so much better than guilty, stolen glances.”

“You can look to your heart’s content now, my love.”

“I find now I’m more interested in touching…and tasting,” he said, pulling a nipple back into his mouth while his hands slid down to your hips. He pressed your center against his hard-on, pulling a groan from both of you. He moved his hands over to the button on your jeans, looking up for permission. When he saw only yes in your eyes, he rolled you onto your back and slid your jeans down your legs, groaning when you arched your back to lift your hips.

Sirius slid your black silk panties down your legs to join your jeans on the floor, then kissed his way back up your legs, his hands running up the outsides.

You were overwhelmed with sensation. This gorgeous man was kissing and licking and biting you and making you his and you were alive in a way you had never been before. As he kissed his way to your core, you almost flew off the bed. “Sirius!” you gasped.

“Y/N? Are you all right?” Sirius asked with concern.

“Yes, keep doing…that!”

Sirius chuckled and said, “My pleasure, darling.”

Sirius licked up and down your folds, gently holding your squirming hips still. When he plunged his tongue inside your core, you let out such a lusty groan that he almost came in his pants. He slid a finger inside you slowly, crooking it inside you as he sucked on your clit, causing you to moan his name and gasp. Sirius groaned again at how tight you were as he added a second finger.

Flicking his tongue rapidly across your clit while curling his fingers inside you sent you into a screaming orgasm. Sirius continued licking and tasting your pussy as you rode the wave of your ecstasy. When you had calmed some, he began kissing his way up your body, stopping once again to visit your breasts.

When he reached your mouth, you pulled him close and kissed him, running your hands through his hair and across his shoulders.

“Did you like that?” he asked with an arrogant grin.

You smiled at his teasing. “You are an artist, my love. Tell me, do you have any other tools you work with?” you asked as you pulled his still clothed groin against you with one leg around his waist.

He took a shaky breath and said, “I do have one or two other tricks up my sleeve.”

You nuzzled his neck and said, “But Sirius, you’re not wearing a shirt. Is it perhaps up your pant leg?”

“Perhaps,” he said with a smile.

“I think I’d like to see it. I know I want to feel it.”

“I am yours to command, my love,” he said, dropping a sweet kiss to your lips.

“Take off your pants, Sirius,” you commanded.

“Yes, my lady,” he said, standing before the bed.

You slid forward and stood in front of him, running your hands down his chest to his stomach. “On second thought, let me.” You pulled Sirius closer and undid his jeans, pushing them down his legs until he stepped out of them.

Your eyes flew up to his, a look of concern on your face. Sirius pulled you close and said, “What’s wrong, love?”

“That’s all you?” you said quietly. “There’s no way this is going to work.”

Sirius took a shaky breath and said, “Do you want to stop, love?”

You took a deep breath and said, “No, I trust you. Make me not afraid.” Then you lay back down on the bed and held your arms out to Sirius.

“Oh thank Godric,” Sirius said, crawling next to you and kissing you again, running his hand all over you and driving you wild all over again. You pulled at his shoulders to get him to move closer to you and he slid over on top of you, his cock cradled at the juncture if your thighs.

“I want you, Sirius.”

Sirius kissed you as he reached down and slid his cock into your slick entrance. There was no pain, just a delightful closeness to Sirius, a feeling of completion. As he slowly filled you, you instinctively raised your legs to his waist, holding him as tightly to you as you could.

Sirius had never felt so close to another human. You were so tight he almost lost it when he was barely starting to move. His body had forgotten such exquisite pleasure, though he knew he had never known such perfect bliss as being with the woman he loved, his soulmate.

As your bodies began to move together in the dance as old as time, you were both panting and kissing and touching. You were lost in a haze of passion.

You felt the tightening in your body that you had to chase, and Sirius sensed you were close and started thrusting harder with an added grind each time you met. This pushed you over the edge and your body tightened around Sirius’ cock, the spasms from your orgasm bringing him to the brink as he thrust into you wildly, groaning loudly as he came.

You held each other closely as you caught your breath, then Sirius lifted his head and kissed you so tenderly you almost cried. “I love you so much, Y/N.”

“Oh, Sirius, sweetheart, I love you, too.”

He kissed you again, then rested his forehead against yours. “I should move, I’m probably crushing you.”

“No!” you said quickly, wrapping your arms and legs around him. “You’re here and you’re real. I finally have you with me and I just want to feel you. I want to be this close to you forever.”

“I am so lucky I found you.”

“Hey! I found you,” you said with a smile.

“Yeah, you did,” he laughed. “I guess I’m lucky you’re kind to strays.”

“My mangy mutt. I much prefer you like this, by the way. I love you, Sirius.”

“I love you, too. More than you could ever know.”

“I believe I promised to feed you dessert.”

“I thought you did?” he said with a naughty grin.

“Sirius!” you said, blushing. “Behave. But we can do all this again right?”

“Feed me and I will have you screaming my name til sunrise,” he said with a kiss.

“To the kitchen, handsome,” you said, hugging him close and kissing him one last time before standing on wobbly legs.

“Can’t stand up? I still got it,” Sirius said proudly.

“You most certainly do, my love.”

~The Middle


End file.
